Losing Everything
by Ivychankasumi
Summary: "Really? After he confessed to you that he didn't have the courage to face the officers who almost led him to his death ... Do you think he wasn't going to end up with what little remained of his spirit on the floor? You want to find him. You must find him. You need to see him, know he's okay. What will you do if he is not alright?" Gordllock - Canon Diverge. Drabble. Warning: Su


Hi! It's me again! I rlly love the Summer of Gotham activities, it fills me with a lot of ideas~ Also, this time I wrote for the Gordllock Week 2018 too, 'cause I won't be able to do something for each day, but this helps a lot~ It's not my otp, but I love the bruh ship 3

I hope this drabble is good enough, I was having a migraine when I was writing it, ngh. But I'm glad you are reading it!

Well, I always talk a lot (?) Also, English is not my first language, so, apologies in advance for any grammar mistake!

Please, enjoy ~

 **Disclaimer:** Gotham is owned by Fox, Warner Brothers TV and Detective Comics.

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 _It's not common for Harvey to notify his absence, is it? You know well that he has nobody else to see. And he never plans his hangovers; he warns the same day that he can't stand his head. It's weird._

Jim knocked a couple of times on the old door of his partner's apartment. He did it for a minute, or maybe two. He was not a very patient man, to tell the truth. He had the key, and although they were not on the best terms, he was encouraged to use it this time.

\- Harvey? - He looked for him only by raising his voice at first, closing behind him. The apartment was dark, and lonely. The chair didn't have the former detective taking a long nap at four in the afternoon.

 _He isn't at home. It is weird too. Maybe he's with some woman ... No. He always brings them to his house. Or to your house. Yes, that is quite unpleasant. At least he stopped a while ago already. He left those casual affairs for a beer with you, right? Reflecting on the case, celebrating an achievement, trying to stop one of your stupidities._

He had brought some beers with him, along with one of those disgusting burgers from the Mane Avenue that he liked so much. Well, apparently they were disgusting. Harvey had a good sense of taste, if we talk about street food, at least.

He walked to the modest kitchen, which had probably never been used, and left the things on the table. Harvey could at least try to use a rag through the furniture. There was a lot of dust. He didn't have to be the king of cleanliness, he knew him, but there could be a bit of order.

 _Order. Order. You always demand him that, don't you? You claim that it is the right thing to do and move his world, what he knows, what he does ... Without asking how he feels about it. Isn't it a bit selfish of you, James? He always puts an arm around your shoulders and tries to hide from you the issues he knows will hurt you. He warns you about how far you should press your teammates ... And you keep throwing him overboard every time. With what right do you appear at his home? Concern? For real?_

He let himself fall onto one of the chairs and thought Bullock would not mind if he took a can without him. No more than his presence would bother him, at least. They hadn't spoken since leaving the GCPD, at the middle of the conflict with Penguin. Maybe he was still upset about it…

It was just because of rumors that he knew something about Harvey. He had worked at the bar for two years. He lived day by day. Work, drink, sometimes a woman. And that was all. He was always worried, but that mania of him to leave everything for later restricted him from approaching that bar and exchanging some words with his still - at least for him - partner. Maybe he was at fault too.

 _But, how are you going to get close to him, Jim? The last time, it was so cruel. You practically kicked him out of the Captain's office. After he helped you aim at Falcone. After he supported you against Maroni. How about all those times he disobeyed Barnes as long as the cases went well for you? Even at the risk of being fired! He took you out of prison and gave you all his confidence. And you, when you saw him being afraid for the first time, you just threw him out._

He hadn't ... thrown him out. It was not like that. Harvey fell into the penguin's blackmail, it was necessary. To take the captaincy, to make him see reason ... He didn't expect that he would go that far to the point of resigning…

 _Really? After he confessed to you that he didn't have the courage to face the officers who almost led him to his death ... Do you think he wasn't going to end up with what little remained of his spirit on the floor?_

He ran his hand over the bridge of his nose and tried to calm down. He just wanted to know how he was, that's why he finally went to ask about him, right? Taking a few days off was a good excuse to have a long talk where he hoped he understood his reasons. Her hands were tied by Sofia, just as Harvey had them with Penguin at the time. He would mock, surely. He deserved it, and he would accept it. But he wanted his partner back, at least to give him some advice, even if it was in this apartment, or in that dark bar...

He left the can half-empty and, abusing a bit of confidence, moved to the living room. Maybe he could watch some television, kill time. Wait for half an hour, maybe. Jim was hoping he would show up at the door soon...

 _And you will tell him how you feel. How regretful you are. How much you need him with you. He will argue with you over nothing, yes. Or let loose a dirty joke for you to roll your eyes. He will remind you that it is lunchtime and even the captains should eat. Tell you that the acts of Sofia are Gotham's way of working, and that you must accept it. Maybe if he tells you, you will finally have the strength to overcome it, don't you? Because you need that. The push of someone loved._

He turned on the television, it barely had volume, and they were only commercials. He went to sit in the old couch, but something caught his attention. At the bottom table, the small one, with a simple lamp… It was Harvey's hat...

Of course it disturbed him. He walked to it and examined it closely, as if it was going to give him the answer. Harvey doesn't leave his hat. It is something that distinguished him. Detective or not. Where could had he gone? What had made him haste that much to forget it?

 _You want to find him. You must find him. You need to see him, know he's okay. What will you do if he is not alright?_

He squeezed the cloth, thinking of something logical that could reassure him, but an insistent sound coming from the bathroom bothered him. He went deeper into the apartment, only to find the shower dripping. He closed it to the bottom, almost as if it was the fault of that faucet. When he left the bathroom, something else jumped into his eyes. The room door.

Was it an indiscretion? Yes. But he was also a detective, and maybe the key to Bullock's whereabouts was there. He opened the door, and although he didn't want to admit it at all, he felt a tremendous relief when he saw Harvey, asleep in his own bed turning his back on him, a rare event.

\- He's going to kill me one day ... - He mumbled to himself, as he walked to him. It was too late to be asleep. - Harvey. - He didn't move much, as always. He was a heavy sleeper. - Harvey, for real.

He took a couple of steps and took his shoulder to move him and see his face. It seemed strange to him the colder touch compared to other occasions, and also that he didn't wake up. He moved him again, but this time it was more obvious that the temperature was not normal. He looked around a little, and the third detail of the afternoon, the one he would have liked not to notice.

On the night table, there was a bottle of alcohol and a bottle of pills. When he took it, he knew by the weight it was practically empty.

 _Oh no, no ... It's not true!_

\- Harvey! - He dropped everything and put his hands on the inert face. The lips were already turning pale. He feared the worst, and precisely the worst had happened. He tried to feel his pulse in his neck, but there was nothing. Only silence, a horrible silence.

 _No, it can't be. Do something Jim Gordon! It's not possible! It can't be possible! How could you have lost Bullock?_

\- No, no. Hold on... - Why did he say it? He knew he was already dead. There was no strength in that body...

 _He was the only person who always trusted you, even reluctantly. The only one that despite your miserable life, all your darkness, all your mistakes, always stayed with you. He never left you. He never left you alone! And how did you pay him for it, Gordon?_

 _You abandoned him._

He wanted to scream loud enough for Bullock to hear him and come back to him, but he felt his body tense and his eyes moisten, as he waved his body without hope.

 _You provoked this! It's your fault! He did not commit suicide, you murdered him!_

 _Congratulations Jim Gordon!_

 _You murdered the last person on your side!_

 _Now suffer, be miserable all your life!_

 _You've lost everything..._

And while his vision was clouding, he wondered if it was the tears, or Harvey's intense voice repeating his name over and over again, with worry and anger, as he did all his life...

Jim ... Jim ... Jim ...

Jim ... Jim ...

- _ **JIM!**_

Gordon's body jumped, scared, confused and quite stunned. He almost fell from the improvised stretcher on which he was leaning.

\- What happened…? - He took his head, it hurt, and he was really confused. They were in the back of a Van class. Fox and Bullock at his side, Harper at the wheel.

\- The Scarecrow bastard, that's what happened. - Jim looked closely at Harvey, ranting in annoyance, with his worn coat...

\- Attacked the commissary recently, it is a threat, we think. Harper and I noticed his gas on time and we were able to avoid it. We could only get Bullock and you out, for now. -

\- You screamed and writhed in your dreams. It must have been a horrible nightmare ... - The officer hadn't started the car yet, so she could see Gordon's sweaty face.

\- Worse than that ... -

\- I'm sorry it took so long to bring you back. The toxin, you know it affects differently. - Lucius handed him a bottle of water.

He began to come to his senses. That time of being at war with Sofia had ended long ago. He lived in a worse world now, in another battlefield. Villains fighting villains, and the police trying to overthrow them all.

\- We have to reorganize the others. The other officers must be waking up, and we need to find out why Crane attacked us specifically. He must be working with someone else.

\- Fox and I will go to the police station. You and Harper follow that lunatic.

\- No. - He interrupted his plan, after leaving the bottle half-empty. - ... - He noticed the doubt in Bullock's expression a little more.

It is true. That deep horror scenario did not come true. Harvey was strong without him. He survived, he came back to help him, and here he was, accompanying him in this shattered city.

\- Harper, can you organize the troops? - Although it seemed surprising, she nodded, determined.

\- Of course, Captain.

\- Excellent, go with Foxy. - He drank what was left of water and felt much better now. His body was no longer heavy and his senses finally accepted that his reality was terrible, but not enough to take Harvey away.

\- You and I already know Crane's methods. We will go after him. - He stood up and took his bag from the front seats. It was cold, and his plate was there. Nobody's land or not, they were still the law.

Harvey suppressed a laugh, admiring his determination after such a torment, which he had also lived.

Because he had always been reckless.

Because he had always been an impulsive idiot.

And because he had not lost himself to the darkness of Gotham, as Scarecrow would like him to believe...

\- Whatever you say, Captain.

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I hope you liked it! Maybe I will write more Gordllock in the future, I kinda like their dynamic~

I hope to see you son~

Love you, and read you

Ivy~


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